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Overheard

Words of wisdom.

"Man who cooks carrots and pees in pot.... is unsanitary."

Smoked!

Here's another howler for you:

"My uncle has been smoked since he was 15 years of age."

Tawlk amongst yourselves: How can you use this in the classroom?

Death and Texas

Why the blog title Death and Texas? This line sticks out after all these years. It came from one ESL student in my program who reminds us that "there are two things in life you can depend on: death and Texas." Profound, no? It may have been that same ESL student who reminded me, when I was ill, to take a "relaxative." On the first day of class he informed me that "I desire to study Englishman like secondary language." (So do I, I thought to myself!)

Yes, yes... these quotes are true, but the context is mine. This collection of student wisdom is a hobby that dates back to '94 when I started teaching ESL to international students at this fine Midwestern university [FMU]. This hobby was literally plopped on my desk by the guy I replaced. These few file folders were a collection of quotes taken from student writings that contained glaring errors in spelling, grammar, word choice and the like. Dull as watching your cat sleep, right? However, careful exploration of these errors was simply hilarious! I inherited gems like “Clinton’s pole is bigger than Bushes - so he will win!" ... pole = poll You got it. Just one spelling error can cause the utmost in hilarity. The collection has grown to a thick collection of photocopies, scraps of paper, sticky notes and gum wrappers.

Now some of you school marms may be saying. “You are totally unprofessional! One humor challenged colleague (former colleague… wonder why????) felt I was making fun of my students for collecting and sharing. Remember, when we say bad things about people we have to do the right, good and Christian thing and say the bad things when they're not around! I do want to spare their feelings, so to respect them, I only break out my collection when they’re not there… during margarita fueled office parties. Nothing breaks up a bunch of teachers with lines such as “I had raised six cats two years ate, but I made some mistakes, so now I just have four cats.”

So, it is NOT the students I am making fun of. Errors like this are in the tradition of Richard Lederer’s “Anguished English” and Jane O’Boyle’s, “Free Drinks for Ladies with Nuts.” Like Lederer and O'Boyle, I am making light our wonderful language, English, and what can happen with one little slip up. And yes, it’s a teaching tool.

Stay tuned for some examples from my collection of student bloopers.